Mara: Wild Child Turned Suburban Mom

Mara is 36 years old, married 13 years and pregnant with her third child.  The girl is gorgeous, with an uber-femininity that requires her to wear heels even when very pregnant.  She’s tall, slender and has an eye-catching, surgically-enhanced bust that magically causes unknown men at the coffee shop to have a sudden need to come over and talk to her.  

When Mara was younger, she was a wild child.  She drank a lot, had affairs with both women and men and served a stint as a topless dancer.  Now she’s a Christian, married to a firefighter and  living in suburbia.  She doesn’t talk about her past, considering it her “emotional scarlet letter.”  “No one really knows about it,” she says. “I’m just a regular mom.”

In Bed:  You were pretty wild when you were younger.  

Mara:  My ideas about sex were...almost perverse.   I used leather and whips and so forth, primarily in relationships with women.  Women like more of the crazy stuff.  I used some of those weird kinky toys.  Once, I even had electric nodes hooked up to my vagina--just weird stuff--which was awful.  How is this supposed to excite you?  

In Bed:  (thought cloud:  “Holy crap!”)  (aloud):  Uh-huh. 

Mara:  But, let me qualify that--being sexually abused when I was young has a lot to do with why I did what I did.  I was really promiscuous and slept with anybody and everybody.  That was my way of relating to people.  Sure, I enjoyed it and all that, but most of the enjoyment came from the power trip.  

In Bed:  Why do you think it was easiest for you to relate to people sexually?

Mara:  I was raised by a grandmother who was from a generation that was about pleasing men.  She was big on looking a certain way that would please her husband.  I was told if you’re pretty and sexually appealing, you’ll be taken care of the rest of your life.  Even though I’ve evolved quite a bit, there are still remnants of that.  As women, we dress sexually or attractively and we enjoy the attention of other men.  Even though more and more, I don’t care what other men think, a large part of me and my attitude towards life still revolves around the ability to be sexual to somebody.  

In Bed:  How does this affect your sex life today?

Mara:  I will go the extra mile for Ken--not what I used to do like trying to include another woman or going to strip clubs--but I will dress up.  I wear wigs or we’ll watch porno while we’re having sex--just to give him variety.  It seems to stimulate him when I look different.  And when I dress up, I do things I normally wouldn’t do.  I’ll try different positions, I may act differently, I’m more frivolous.  We also use toys.  I was recently at one of those Pleasure parties [a sex toy party] with some of the other firefighters’ wives.  They were telling me I should get a certain vibrator, one of those big, serious ones.  You would think these women would be so conservative, but they are used to their husbands being gone and were very open about it: “Mara, this is the one you need to get.”

In Bed: How do you signal each other that you’re interested?

Mara:  With Ken, I can tell by the way he touches me.  He can put his hand on my shoulder and just by the heat in his hand, I know if he wants sex or not.  He has a certain energy, body temperature and even a certain smell.  We’ve been together a while, but it’s pretty intense.  If he’s naked I can smell a certain level of arousal, almost a cum smell.  Talk about pheromones!...So do you want to hear about the sex?

In Bed:  Sure. 

Mara:  First he usually tries to grab my butt.  He doesn’t generally say anything.  He’s too embarrassed, believe it or not.  After all these years he’s too afraid to ask for sex.  I’ve even tried to get him to ask and he’s too afraid.  And if he does he’s kind of boyish about it--”Can we, uh, get naked?” I’m more forward.  I’ll grab his genital area or his ass, or tell him that I want to have sex.  I’m not the romantic, sweet, seductive type.  I’m more vulgar and say, “Let’s fuck. I need to have sex with you.”

An average scenario would start with me giving him head.  He’s one of the few men who I like the way he smells and tastes--it’s one of the things that attracted me to him.  And I actually like head.  Then he usually wants to have intercourse immediately so I’ll have to slow him down.  I won’t let him penetrate, or I’ll just try to kiss him, his mouth, his body.  He wants to do a lot of oral copulation to me, but I really try to avoid it.  From my experience with women, I think “Oh, God, I know what that’s like!”  If you have to stay down there too long, it gets kind of burdensome and doesn’t really taste that great.  

In Bed: (thought cloud: “ack!”)

Mara:  Then we’ll have sex with penetration.  Because I’m pregnant, it’s easier in the cradle position.  I’d prefer him to be on top because I feel like it’s closer, but I can’t do it because of these friggin’ (breast) implants.  When he’s on top, it hurts.  If I’m really horny, I’ll try different positions within the same session because I want to slow him down.  He has a tendency to ejaculate too quickly and it takes me longer to come.  I have to masturbate with him penetrating me in order to come.  And that’s it, I’ll come and he’ll come, pretty much at the same time.

In Bed:  Would you ever stray?

Mara:  I’ve thought about it on occasion.  There’s a man at my work, who I’ve fantasized intensely about and I came really close to coming onto him.  He looks like Drew... Who’s that fat white comedian guy?

In Bed:  Drew Carey?  This man looks like Drew Carey, and you’re into it?!  

Mara:  Yes, but I like the nerdy guys.

In Bed:  Okay, I have no judgment.  (judgmental thought cloud:  “Drew f-ing Carey!?!?”)

Mara:  (laughs) Yeah, yeah.  This guy and I were flirting with each other back and forth to the point where I almost came on to him.  I think it was because I had just gotten in a rut with Ken.  I didn’t want a relationship with this man.  I just wanted to have sex with someone different.  But I was afraid he’d have a small penis. (laughs). I thought, “This man is still single and he has these small hands....and I don’t know.” (laughs) 

In Bed:  Hmmm.

Mara:  Do you want to know how many times a week we have sex?

In Bed:  Okay.

Mara:  Before I got pregnant, it was about 3 to 4 times a week, no more, no less.  Now because he’s only home on the weekends, between 1 and 3 times, more often just one time.  We always have sex when he comes home.  There was only one time we didn’t have sex when I was really really sick.  It’s like, “Dude, I’m really sick and you still want to have sex with me?”  It’s like clockwork--on Saturdays, he has to have sex.  It’s his reward for the week or something.  With him being gone and me being pregnant, I’m--I don’t want to say horny--but more amorous.  I really want to have sex but I also have that feeling of “Oh God, I’m really fat, ugly and I’ve got this big belly.  Make sure we’re covered up, I don’t want you to see my fat ass!”  I haven’t even been able to shave because I can’t even see anything anymore.  I’m like a gorilla. 

In Bed:  How did your sex life change when you married Ken?

Mara:  When Ken and I were first married, I tried to convince him to try some crazy things, like a threesome or whatever.  I thought that that was what you do.   But he wouldn’t do it.  In fact, it would piss him off.  Ken came from a very strict religious upbringing.  I can see where he had some personal conflict being with me.  Here I was trying to do all these things, and it just went against what he grew up with.  

In Bed:  Do you feel like you’ve had to sublimate some of your sexuality with Ken?

Mara:  No, because I think those behaviors, like bringing someone else into the marriage, were destructive.  I’ve seen them doing no good for any marriages.  All in all, my past both interferes with and adds to our sex life today.  And since I was a dancer, I know where to get all the cute little sexy outfits.