Are you in?
The prize is a cock ring, because we're classy like that. Specifically the O-Man Waterproof Vibrating Cock Ring courtesy of my sex toy corporate overlords at Good Vibrations.
What the hell does a cock ring do? Well, here, let's have a look at the description.
Take a step up from standard stimulation with the O Man Vibrating Pleasure Ring. This buzzy buddy combines a battery-powered bullet vibe with a textured elastomer ring for superior stimulation, and then brings “the boys” into the action with the “baller” attachment! Just stretch the secondary ring to wear around the testicles to kick the intensity up a notch. And while the O Man makes a super ring for solo play, the additional tickler nodule on the baller makes it the perfect partner pleaser as well. Waterproof and easy to use, the O-Man is exactly the right tool for yours!To win it, write me some bad erotic haiku and put it as a comment below or email it in. I'll pick a random winner on Saturday. Let me know you're an IBWMW Kindle subscriber and I'll give you two entries because, quite frankly, I like you more than everyone else.
If you don't have a cock of your own, or access to one, or cock is not a part of your life, I guess you are out of luck, unless you have a hard-to-buy-for man in your life. Sorry. I'll make sure to get a lady-pleasin' prize next time.
xoxox
jill
(photo source)
hmmm...a haiku. I call it "Using a cock ring with Boyfriend"
ReplyDeleteHow does it go on?
WHOOPS that looks pretty painful
I'll go get the ice
I am a subscriber ... but it is under my mundane name.
ReplyDeleteHere is my haiku:
Lovely is his cock/
with a new vibrating ring/
for my orgasm/
It kinda brings a tear to my eye, it is such a beautiful poem.
fiercely thrusting shaft
ReplyDeleteyou have bitten through your tongue
must you always cry?
Moans mean satisfied,
ReplyDeleteright? I am never certain.
Was that the right hole?
(I'm not actually entering, since I won your last contest. But I can't pass up the chance to write bad erotic haiku.)
No pregnancy here,
ReplyDeleteI'd guess from the presence of
all this santorum.
A Whole Nude World (<-- See what I did there?):
ReplyDeleteOne too many drinks
Finger slips; wrong hole; it's new
It felt kinda good
Based on a true story.
Aaand his birthday's next Thursday... Haven't bought him a gift yet... Wonder what I could possibly get him...
Give It To Me, Baby - or - Prostate Poetry
ReplyDeleteWhispering wine thoughts,
excitement, lube, and hands like
The Truckasaurus.
These are amazing so far. I can't resist the temptation of bad erotic haiku, either.
ReplyDeleteBuzzing adornment
Gazing at female anus
This must be heaven
Sorry, I thought there was a way to login with twitter.
Good God ... I've been out Haiku-ed.
ReplyDeleteThis just in via Twitter, and please know that so bad is it, that I could scarcely bring myself to cut and paste it:
ReplyDeletePussy stays open nights/like a moon on hot wet summer/tampon string, teeth, braces
that last one from twitter is genius.
ReplyDeletethat last one from twitter is genius.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLicking top to bottom/
ReplyDeletegetting you hard in my mouth/
having fun with you
Here's a note via email from Sherri:
ReplyDeleteSweet jeebus that prize looks scary. Somehow I think my dude would look at that the same way I look at dead things my cat brings me, aww sweet but you really, really shouldn't have, but any excuse to write a bad erotic haiku...I once spent a month writing a traffic haiku a day during my commute. I have slightly smutty haikus on my fridge made with magnetic poetry. Anyways that's way too much info and possibly setting up an expectation that this one won't suck, but explains why sending this is necessary.
Hands cuffed, on the floor
Whipped and bruised used like a whore
Shit, where are the keys?
Definitely not fridge appropriate.
Have a great day! I wouldn't feel too bad about the spatula, they're really reliable and useful.
And here's one from Chaffyn via email that even came with accompanying art work that I can't figure out how to show you:
ReplyDeleteA wet frog shivers
Secretive lotus stirs
This dream after the storm
To go down on you
ReplyDeleteto savor your creaminess
Ack! Was that a pube?
Soft flesh covered steel,
ReplyDeleteUnleash thy fountains of spunk
Oh, mighty cockstand!
Throbbing bobbing cock
ReplyDeleteCould it be even better?
Yes, now it vibrates!
I like to make her cum
ReplyDeleteShe often has multiples
A cock ring? Why not.
ugh, i'm sorry. postponing the fabulous drawing until tomorrow, sunday. winner announced then. ps you are all complete geniuses. i can't stand how good these are.
ReplyDeleteIt had been so long
ReplyDeleteYour fingers find a way inside me
Curling, moaning, the sound of moisture arousing
Feeling the contractions as the orgasmic flood begins
Shit ... literally