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| Someone who is not Emma |
Not only did I have to pay like $50 bucks to ship the damn thing to dear Emma at a time of personal poverty (aka always), but I had to deal with the super gross guy at the post office who always needs to drill down on what, exactly, I mean by “massager” on the customs form.
Anyway, now all is forgiven because Emma wrote back with a wholly unnecessary but delightful review of her iVibe Select iBend. She even sent pictures and is the cutest thing ever.
Here then, Emma from Sweden, who will remain only thus because, "I have children who I do not wish to shame."
******
I won something! On the Internet! This in itself is miraculous, as I rarely comment on blogs and have never won anything before. And then it turned out (and turned on) to be a sensuous object of desire. It arrived in a package all the way from sunny California, USA to cold and dark Sweden, discreetly packaged and marked as "Massager" on the customs label, but I managed to hide it from my prying coworkers. In the evening, my Darling was out of town on work, so after I had sent my children to bed, I decided to go for it. Should I dress up for my new electronic lover, or put on sexy undies?
The
box was sturdy and made to resemble the packaging of phones of the
apple kind, and the pink matched my Colefax & Fowler wallpaper very
nicely. Inside was a reliable-looking silicone dick with a super-smooth
surface and pleasant size. It joined the other electronics on my vintage
teak vanity, Kobo reading tablet (fantastic!) and Natural Cycles
thermometer (the best thing that happened to my sex drive ever!). After
half an hour of charging, which I spent knitting like the Little Old
Lady that I am (44), I unplugged it and turned it on to the first stage.
Mild, friendly buzz, and I tried the other six patterns on my thigh
(foreplay?) before getting serious. The iBend can be bent in one
direction, and then HOLD that position, which is brilliant. I bent it to
an angle that allowed insertion and still provided enough buzz on my
clitoris. The second setting made me come hard and sudden. Next time I
will try the other rhythm patterns as well, and maybe let my lover
decide for more surprises.
I
can strongly recommend this dick to horny folks who like something
well-made and versatile for their buzzy needs. My only complaint is that
it is somewhat difficult to turn off, it requires pressing the
on/off-button for 4 seconds, but as the iBend can run for over an hour
on one charging, it is not necessary to save batteries. In the
instruction leaflet it says to store the iBend away from other sex toys.
The reason for this must be that the other toys will get really jealous
when iBend gets all of your attention!
Nighty-night!
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| See? Cute as a damned button |
xoxo
jill
Thanks Emma and everyone who has sent mail that I not only haven't run yet but might not have even answered yet. I can be cruel that way.
