"Don't You Fucking Move," Letter from a Feminist Submissive

Didn't I tell you not to strive for
equality in the workplace?

(Hey gorgeous, found this in the backwaters of the blog today and I loved it all over again. Just ignore the highly untimely Fifty Shades of Grey tie-in, and you'll be good.)

Today's letter came in response to a Newsweek cover story on Fifty Shades of Grey, the insanely popular S&M-y mommy porn, unpromisingly spawned by, of all things, Twilight fan fiction.

Reader Submissive and Truly Fine With That was but one of the people pissed off by the article, which tied (yes, and I'm too lazy to think of a better word) working women and feminism to S&M. You can read her response below.

If you are unfamiliar with Fifty Shades of Grey, see this Daily Beast article on the book's 14 Naughtiest Bits (a genius idea!) Here, you can witness Perfectly Good Smut being ruined by a few ill-chosen words. For example, when heroine/virgin Anastasia (she would so be named that) watches Christian's (same deal) "erection spring free" (so far so good), she thinks--unlike a young woman would, but exactly like a middle-aged fan fiction-writing author might--"Holy cow!"

Later, when she takes him in her mouth (again, a good start...) it's described thusly: "He's my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle. I suck harder and harder...Hmmm...My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves."

By the time Anastasia's "inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils," my own inner goddess is "confused, slightly icked out and ready to go to the kitchen and get a cup of coffee."

But I digress. Please give a warm welcome to Submissive and Truly Fine With That:

Dear IBWMW;
God bless you for being the one place I can send this email. I just finished reading an article in Newsweek about how (or why) today’s feminists have a more-than-passing interest in S&M, or more to the point, being sexually submissive. Now I feel the need to rant because of all the sources they consulted, they neglected to ask one of us, ie. a feminist who craves domination. (To be fair, they did quote Simone de Beauvoir, but, last time I checked, she’s dead.) I thought, what better venue to rant to than this column? (Actually, there is no other option. I really don’t want to disgust any of my friends with details of my sex life beyond relative wang dimensions or whether a guy was “orally efficacious” or not.)

For starters, I have to admit I believe I was born into this desire. My first sexual fantasies all involved bondage; usually, some guy I hated or found grossly unattractive would tie me up and have his way with me. In retrospect, I think it had to be someone I didn’t like for the submission to feel “honest”.  

If I go backwards in my life to my first physical sexual feeling, it was this: a happy little tingle between my legs while watching a TV episode of "Batman and Robin." The boys were tied up in a hot air balloon that was continuously ascending and their ultimate demise was imminent. I didn’t recognize it as sexual excitement at the time, but I do now. The numerous episodes of “Electra Woman and Dyna Girl” that followed elicited the same phenomenon. And they were tied up or trapped at least once per episode. No wonder that was my favorite show.


As adults though, our every desire has to have a reason; I've never read a source that claimed to have located the “bondage gene” or the “anal gene” or what have you. So here is my explanation for why I like, fantasize about and crave being held down, tied up, spanked, talked dirty to, forced to submit even after I’ve said no.

Yes, I am a feminist. Yes, I am in control of my own life, my own finances, my own household.  No one pushes me around or takes advantage of me. Most people wouldn’t even try. I am taller than most, smarter than the vast majority, attractive and confident. At work, I am “Bad Cop.” People may be a little afraid of me, but they also respect my results. I am powerful. And we all know how power is an enormous aphrodisiac. I am certain that most men who are attracted to me fantasize about me dominating them. And a lot of other men are way too intimidated to even consider me a viable possibility.

But once in a great while, I’ll meet someone who gives me that carnivorous gaze that says he wants to eat me for breakfast and make me beg for more….and I just go weak in the knees. Because I too am attracted to power and confidence. And it takes a confident man with balls the size of the Jupiter to suggest that I meet him at his hotel room and be prepared to leave the word “no” at the door.

Full disclosure: I am married and I have been known to show up at said hotel room once or twice. Lucky for me, men like that are rare, so I don’t abandon my marriage vows very often. The last time, still fresh in my mind after 18 months, was delicious. This man, who barely knew me, had me stripped naked, spread-eagled and climaxing before he even took his tie off. When I attempted to make a mildly aggressive move, he laughed appreciatively and said, “You don’t get to be in charge here.” Later on, when I said I was done and wanted to stop, he didn’t. He slowed down. He asked me, “You want me to stop?” I said yes. He didn’t. When I realized he thought either I didn’t mean it, or he didn’t care, I got turned on all over again and came (again) within minutes.

This man has so-so looks and is hardly my type. He has a so-so job and a degree from an okay university. He's not rich or marvelously athletic. He is quite clever and our conversations are never boring and he can definitely make me laugh. But would I look twice at him in a bar? Nope. Would I want him as a husband? Absolutely not. He’s petty and childish, self-centered and vain. But when he calls me on the phone, I still get tingly.

I recall one past phone-sex conversation with him. I was alone, in bed, listening to his voice tell me how to get myself off. As I neared the finish line he said in a serious, threatening tone, “Don’t move. Don’t you fucking move.” Needless to say, hearing that pushed me over the edge in a cataclysmic fashion that I have never since been able to replicate, alone or otherwise. And I know why. It is because this man, who doesn’t deserve me and couldn’t even handle me as a spouse or girlfriend or co-worker or whatever, can shove me down on a bed and show me who’s boss. And that takes guts. Who wouldn’t want to fuck that?

Sincerely,
submissive and truly fine with that

(photo source)