Boxers, Briefs Or...Mangina?

My thanks to Scary Sextoy Friday for placing this image into my brain, where it will remain forever, burning slightly. I feel that it would only be fair to provide the same service to you, so to that end, I present The Mangina, aka, the Masturbator Vee-String.

What is all this business about a Mangina? Calm down now, and let's let the nice people who sell it explain the thing:

The Masturbator Vee-String Vagina Prosthesis is a latex prosthetic vagina, specifically designed to provide an ultra-realistic vaginal appearance while hiding the male genitals. This is the pussy equivalent of a strap on cock. The Masturbator Vee-String Vagina Prosthesis is designed to complete the illusion of being a woman. The penis is placed into a hole where the clitoris is, which holds the penis and keeps you in place.

Are you following the physics of all this? You kind of slide through the back, tying the thing on like an especially hairy, non-breathable g-string. The Mangina advertising prose continues (and I do so love imagining the person whose job it is to write alluring blurbs for such products):

It allows a man to have a vagina whenever he chooses to tie it on. This vagina prosthesis can be worn for hours at a time.

Hours at a time, huh? This is good news because this Mangina is so attractive and sexy, I am thinking of wearing it as regular underwear. (Being careful, of course, not to wear white pants. I would only show my Mangina to that special someone.)

Cleaning of the Mangina is pretty easy, which is a good thing, since hours of Mangina-wearing can leave it a little...not so fresh. Just some soap and water, a dusting of talcum powder and you're ready to strap that baby on again. I am a little bewildered by that latex bumhole hanging listlessly below the Mangina, but I'm sure it must have some use. At the very least it allows me the pleasure of imagining another worker--the guy whose job it is to make little latex bumholes.

Alas, such craftsmanship does not come cheap. The "small" is $249. At first I was alarmed to discover that they came in sizes. After all, a small Mangina is one thing, but a jumbo-sized Mangina is quite another. ("I want to buy a fake vagina, damn it! And make sure it's HUGE!") But the size refers merely to waist size. The extra-large fits a 50 inch waist, which says to me that, if you aren't getting laid, you are probably doing something wrong. If some dude with a 50 inch waist who also needs to wear a Mangina during sex is finding willing partners, you probably should be too. (And yes, I do realize that by saying that, I am pretty much guaranteeing that in my next life I will come back as a 50 inch-waisted, Mangina-wearing dude. I can only hope that Mangina prices go down by then.)